Okay, so I have waited a few days. Don't want to burn you all out on bloggimus. Dan and Ashley will tell you all in the following three blogs of Saturday, Monday and today. These two are amazing people! Brave, courageous, steadfast in love and endurance through hard times. It reminds me of the following verses:
Romans 8:31-39
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.
Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
As always we ask for your continued prayers. Our hearts are filled with gratitude to those who have helped Ashley with flying to and fro and helped me with meals (especially helpful on those Stanford travel days!) We know we are loved by God and by our friends and family.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You bless us and we in turn ask the Lord's greatest blessings upon you and yours.
saturday, february 13, 2010
Mighty
I spent the last hour reading a friend's blog about going to Rwanda and then following her link to the blog of a family who just adopted their second daughter from Taiwan. As I read both blogs, a jumble of emotions welled up within me.
Sadness: millions of children around the world need parents to love them, genocide has left a deep and seemingly impenetrable scar in the heart of Africa (among other countries), tragedy exists everywhere.
Jealousy: I long to open my home and heart to little ones in need of a family, but Dan's medical history disqualifies us from nearly all types of adoption.
Joy: God worked through the Biola girls in Rwanda to love His children; another child has a home.
Frustration: Why isn't God doing more for His children? Why allow genocide? Why allow cancer?
Hope: God is working in the lives of those who are hurting--from orphans to nursing students to Dan.
Excitement: What is God doing in my life to make me better suited to His purposes?
Fear: What is God doing in my life to make me better suited to His purposes?
Peace: No matter what goes on in my life (or around the world), God is in control. I may struggle against so many circumstances and beg for them to change, but there is peace in knowing that God already knows what is happening and what will happen. What's more, He knows why everything happens.
Reading those blogs also reminded me that I have a blog to update, though this won't be much of an update. Today has simply been another day of pressing onward. Dan hasn't vomited in 2 whole days, but is still frustrated with some GI stuff. His drains seem to have decreased a bit today, but they are still 4 times as high as before the surgeon pulled them out a bit. It is so discouraging to see those drains fill up each day, as it pushes Dan's eventual eating further and further away. Additionally, the drains have begun to let out a new odor from being in so long. Pain has been more of an issue the last couple of days, but Dan just pushes through. We even took a trip to Target today--it seemed short to me, but completely wiped Dan out.
My parents and grandpa made a trip to Lodi to deliver some goodies left over from Christmas and just to visit. We loved seeing them and having more friendly faces around. Yet, my heart hurts when we all sit down to dinner and Dan can't eat. He read at the table while we ate, but it must be miserable to watch everyone do something that he has been longing to do for almost a month now.
I find myself getting more and more frustrated lately. It seems like this will never end: the drains will drain forever, the wound will stay open for a long time, Dan will be on TPN indefinitely, Dan will have to stay in Lodi forever, etc. I know these things aren't true, but it sure does feel like it. What's more, the nervous questions are plaguing my mind more and more: the doctor said pulling on the drains would help--why has it made it worse? Is there something wrong with the placement? Did the drains pull open another hole? Why isn't Dan healing? Will Dan need extra surgery to fix the leak? Will Dan miss my graduation? Will we live apart until then? The questions go on and on without answers. Hopefully, most of them are of the paranoid nurse/wife type.
We so very badly need progress right now. We need to know that Dan is moving toward healing. We need to know that things are getting better soon.
We are discouraged, to say the least.
Yet, God is mighty on His throne. He knows all the answers, and He knows why Dan is going through all of this. Somehow, all of this is molding us to be more like Christ, so to shine His light more clearly. God is mighty whether or not things go our way or not. Yet, He also calls on us to cry out to Him in our times of need.
Lord God, hear our prayers for healing tonight. Draw us close to You. Touch Dan's body with Your power and mercy. Give us rest, oh God. We are weary and scared.
Prayer Requests:
* Drain stoppage (sudden and immediate and exciting and miraculous)
* Wound healing
* Endurance
* Incredible progress in the next few days
* Wisdom for scheduling matters
* Good news and encouragement
* The ability for Dan to be in La Mirada very soon (confidence for the surgeon)
monday, february 15, 2010
V-Day? How about VD-Day
So Valentine's Day has come and gone; making plans for 2-14 is a little more difficult when eating is not on the menu and going somewhere takes more effort than usual. But we managed to have a little date night on the couch and wrote each other sappy love notes, and it will be logged in Valentine's history as a decent run. So we're looking forward to next year.
VD-Day is what we're really looking forward to. For those of you who have forgotten about World War II, VE-Day was Victory in Europe, VJ-Day was Victory in Japan, and VD-Day is Victory over Drains. As of right now, they're still pumping out way too much. They are being bad drains. Bad drains! It's really frustrating, because they were down to around 40 total mL per day, and now they're running at over 200 total per day. Maybe that would have happened anytime the drains were moved- which would be bad if I was leaking and didn't have the drains in. Speculation. The point is, we're sick of this war. Sometimes I wish I had been Switzerland and just stayed home. But, I am where I am, and now I have to get better. Tomorrow, we're going to Stanford and maybe figuring out just what that entails. Will I need another scan? Another surgery? Or more waiting?
Well, my wound is healing. Still a long way out, but at this point, slow and steady wins the race. When it gets to the point where the wound vac comes off and there's just gauze covering it, I will consider that a huge victory. My drains had BETTER be done by then. Or else. Grrr.
I know I have many blessings to count, so it's not the worst thing in the world, but it is entirely frustrating. Please pray for VD-Day. To come soon. Like now. Which you have been doing. And I thank you all.
Dan
Posted by Dan and Ashley at 10:53 AM
tuesday, february 16, 2010
Maybe next week?
Another day of doctor's appointments is finished. The visit with McGreeky seemed optimistic, though it was very painful for Dan. As the last "let's pull on the drains a bit and watch them go down" failed, the surgeon decided to try again today. He pulled a couple more inches out on each drains hoping that the suction would be removed from the anastomoses (holes in the connections of the pancreas and intestine). The drains had been pumping out so much over the weekend, that we can only hope the output goes down.
Also, we pressed McGreeky about getting Dan home to La Mirada. Maybe my argument with him last week did something (or maybe everyone's prayers), but he's thinking Dan can go home next week. Basically, he's uncomfortable with Dan being far away on TPN (not sure why, but whatever), so wants the drain to go down more over this week, let Dan eat real food for a few days and watch the drains. Sounds familiar, right? Dan was awesome about asking for clarifications--what will keep him from going home early next week? Dan getting sick.
So, the big prayer for now: keep Dan from getting sick! No fever, no infection, no pus from the drains (sorry, gross).
All of us want Dan to go home to La Mirada, especially him and me. It's really about time, right? Please press in with prayer that things go on schedule and on-target this week.
I'm flying back to LA this afternoon and then back up on Thursday night. Dan and I will spend the weekend getting things together and making plans as to how to make life work out in LA. I'll drive my car down to LA on Sunday afternoon and wait patiently (ha) to hear how the appointment goes on Monday morning. I have a sneaky suspicion that McGreeky will try some stall maneuvers on to keep Dan up here, but hopefully Dan and Jamie can hand back the heat. I hate not being there for the appointment, but school beckons.
Keep praying, friends.
Prayer Requests:
* Decrease in drain output
* NO INFECTION
* Pain control for pulling on the drains
* Ability to tolerate food this weekend
* Dan going home early next week!
* Endurance and energy for all my travelling this week
* Safe travels for everyone
Posted by Dan and Ashley at 1:50 PM
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