weary but hopeful

Psalm 91.1,2 1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust

2 blogs by Dan and Ashley. Needing hope and the Lord lifting all our hearts as only He can do.
He is in control and we can and do trust in His plan and purpose for our lives.
Blessings to you all.
May His great Name be magnified!

saturday, february 20, 2010

The drains stopped? But hold on...
The drains stopped. Basically. But put away the champagne for now. Here's the qualifier.
Yesterday, the drains put out over 500 mL. That's a record for me. I e-mailed my doctor yesterday, showing some concern. His new plan was to change the bulbs from sucking to catching. To give you an idea, the fluid is collected in bulbs (actually referred to as 'grenades' because they look like... grenades). Normally, the bulbs are squeezed when they are emptied to provide some suction. Now, the doctor wants to leave them unsqueezed so they just accept whatever fluid comes.

No drainage could be a good thing or a bad thing.

It could mean the pancreas was ok this whole time and was just being picked on by the overbearing drains, sucking its soul into a grenade.
It could also mean the fluid is going somewhere else. It is likely going into the bowel, because according to radiology, the track left by my drain (after being pulled out a few inches) is walled off, like concrete. However, it could also be forming a fluid collection in my abdominal cavity, which is not a good thing. So if I develop a fever or abdominal pain, that's probably what it is, and that would be a complication I do not want. A CT on my Monday appointment will bring the verdict.
Also on my Monday appointment, the doctor will be switching my grenades for bags, which are more suitable for catching fluid than the grenades (and they will be clean, too- mine have not been changed, and they are pretty grody). I may or may not have my drains pulled on; it will depend on the CT results. He will also change my wound vac, which is complicated right now:
The vertical part has the wound vac in it, because it is still big (though not as big since my dad placed some sutures in it). The horizontal part doesn't have a wound vac on it because of the sutures which are closing it up, and it should heal openly rather than under a seal of the vacuum. But since they're connected, it's hard to get a seal. So... some problems, but none too big.
I'm having a good day today. I like being with Ashley. She makes life more colorful. I will be sad when she drives the Big Drive back to school tomorrow. I really hope I can go home next week.

Please pray:
That the drains are stopped for the right reason
That there are no complications that mean I can't go home
For travel safety for Ash
That my wound heals up nicely
That I won't get a collection in my abdominal cavity
That, if I go on a food trial soon, my pancreas can handle it and I can go off of TPN

Posted by Dan and Ashley at 5:12 PM 0 comments
friday, february 19, 2010

Prayer needed badly
So, I'm back in Nor Cal until Sunday when I drive back to La Mirada. At least that is the plan.

Unfortunately, the only new thing here is that Dan's drain output has increased massively. For those who like numbers: the past few days have been in the 300s (bad) and today will end up close to 500ml (terrible). As Dan is still not eating, it is difficult to know what is causing this increase. Though the doctor thought that pulling on the drains would decrease the output, it seems to have done the opposite. Our concern is that the pulling of the drains has opened the hole in the anastomosis more or has caused damage to the tissues. Honestly, we do not have any idea what is going on.

We emailed the doctor and haven't heard anything yet. It is frightening for us as another surgery may be necessary to fix the anastomosis. While this has always been a small possibility (and still is), it is the possibility that scares us the most. Dan's body isn't as strong as it was for the last surgery, so another one to fix the last would be difficult.

Also, my schooling would be in jeopardy. I've been given a deadline of March 1st to be settled into school without missing days. Up until today we figured that was possible since the surgeon wanted to get Dan home early next week. Now, we really don't know. Obviously, I wouldn't want to go to school while Dan's being operated on. Yet, I do not want to have to choose between graduating from nursing school and being with my husband.

We really do know that God is in control of this entire situation. He knows when Dan's drains will dry up, when he'll come home with me, when he'll eat again, when his next surgery will be, whether or not I graduate and when/if Dan will be cancer-free. It's just becoming difficult to pray and pray and pray (and know others are interceding for Dan) and see very little progress and even worsening. It is so difficult to force our hearts to hope and to force our minds to be still.

Honestly, we are running out of reserves. Dan hasn't eaten for a month (except for 2 days of food trials) and the TPN just isn't keeping his hunger away. He hasn't been home in 2 months now. I haven't been home for more than 3 days at a time and am getting worn down from frequent flying. Trying to wrestle between wife-nurse and student-nurse is getting harder--I even forgot to turn in an assignment (if you know me, this is huge). The constant barage of set-backs has made joy and hope infrequent emotions. We were so excited about Dan coming home next week, and now, that seems nearly impossible.

I've heard that God does not give us more than we can handle. He already knows our breaking points, and apparently, He is pushing us to them. I'm about ready to crack.

Please be in prayer with us now. We're so tired. We need to taste victory. Soon.

Prayer Requests:
* Decrease in the drain output immediately
* Healing of the anastomoses
* Continued healing of the wound
* Wisdom for the surgeons
* Dan's ability to come home to La Mirada
* Endurance and comfort for Dan
* Safe drive for me on Sunday (I haven't driven by myself since sophomore year)
* Progress in the right direction
* My ability to graduate with my class on May 29, 2010
* Hope