Dan's words today - please pray

Sunday, July 22, 2007


Oh my back - an update
Category: Life

It's ironic, really. The first round of chemotherapy is almost complete, and I've taken it rather well. Not much nausea, sickliness, or anything like that. Inside, I feel great. However, I'm really frustrated right now with my state of being, probably the most I've ever been.
It's because of my back.
I'll spare the details of how it all happened, but to make a long story short, my back had been tweaked slowly but surely, and last thursday (July 12th), I had a bad back spasm. Now, I am extremely immobile. I can barely bend my back. Getting out of bed requires very slow and careful movements, and is the most difficult part of my day. Sitting down and getting up from most chairs is an challenge. Dressing myself is extremely complicated; I have to do it sitting down.
I just back from the hospital yesterday because my potassium levels were really low, which my doctor thinks could have caused the initial back spasms. He was right, and my dad was saying that it was actually a good thing we caught that, or else it could have affected my heart. A blessing in disguise. A very elaborate disguise. My back was bad before, but now it is much worse. Eventually, I will be able to function normally, but it will take time and a lot of work.

Right now, I am the weakest I've ever been. My muscles have atrophied severely and my back condition makes me extremely dependant on my family and Ashley (who have been extremely helpful throughout all this, and I can't thank them enough for their help).
I have been humbled by this time. I've realized that while I am physically weak, I am also weak in other ways; I am timid, I am weak-willed, and I am lazy. Obviously, I will try to right those, but I do have to work on it. But not alone.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Do I enjoy being nearly helpless physically? No! I hate living like I do now. It's bad enough to need someone to make sure I can get up and down off the toilet, but when you add on an enigmatic form of rare cancer that requires doctor appointments and hospital stays, it's horrible. Yet I rejoice, because God's power is made perfect in weakness. When I am weak, I am strong. I am becoming mature and complete, not lacking anything.

For my cancer and my back, pray for a good recovery. What I mean by 'good recovery' is this: I want to be free from these trials as soon as possible, but at the same time, I want God's power and glory to be fully manifested through this trial.

On a lighter note, my hair has started to fall out, which is kinda annoying. I'll probably just shave myself and get it overwith instead of shedding all over the place like a dog.

Oh, and other good news: I got an internship reading scripts and doing coverage on them via email. Unfortunately, most of the scripts are really bad, so I'm not learning much about writing, and I don't know if I can log enough hours to get school credit for it. But at least it's something to do.

I'll send you more updates as they come, remember to pray, God is good, I love you guys,
Dan