mom's sunday musings

What a week. We started I out with our doctor calling Monday morning: “Yes, I do want Dan to have the stent” (a hollow plastic tube) inserted into his hepatic duct to help bring down his bilirubin level before chemotherapy would start. So we are off to Stanford at 10:00 am with the procedure set in the afternoon. Dan spends the night in the hospital and with the morning labs not much different, is told to go home and wait until Thursday for chemo to start. We are now at Thursday, but before Thursday rolls around Wednesday happened and 24 hours of bloody diarrhea, loss of significant blood and potassium, a night at our local hospital, another drive to Stanford, labs drawn, a visit with a couple of docs, endoscopy (checking out the stomach and the stent to see if there is an active bleeding site – NO things look great inside, except you can see a tumor pressing into his stomach), now he gets 4 units of blood and FINALLY we start the chemo on Friday. No wait, Friday’s labs are not good enough. Let’s wait until Saturday. Friday is day 18 of this epic drama. Saturday, day 19, is the first day we are actually fighting this monster with chemicals. We certainly have been laying the groundwork with prayer. Mighty prayer, many prayers, continual prayers. A big “Thank You” from the Momma Bear. There are moments of peace and rest and there are moments of terror and dread. I am learning much from my son. He is not perfect, he told me, and I know that, but he is an amazing example to me of grace and humility, of courage and trust, the likes of which I have never encountered. And even though I am “the mom”, older and “supposedly wiser”, this old mom is learning new depths of submission and trust and, I hope, humility. The LORD has been speaking to me about my pride, my illusion that I am in control of anything besides my attitude (which is not always the best), my core beliefs of trust and submission to God Almighty, and His perspective (My ways are not your ways) among other things. I pray I will be teachable.